An Arduous Attempt At Affection
by rachelcullen77
Summary: Jasper has had the one person he loves taken away from him, at the hands of the person who thinks she can help. But what happens when she ends up making it worse? Insanity cannot be fixed. It can only be acted upon. Entry for the FML contest. AH. Very OOC


**FML CONTEST  
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**Story Title: An Arduous Attempt at Affection**

**Penname: rachelcullen77**

**Characters: Jasper, Alice, Bella.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**To see the rest of the entries in this contest, please visit the FML C2: **http://www . fanfiction . net/community/FML_Contest_Fics/77195/ (_remove spaces for link to work_)

**Thanks to blahblahblah and Showtunes from PTB for beta-ing the grammatical disaster that this was! Also a BIG thankyou to Miss Bratt, and Ardanwen78 for pre-reading this for me. I love you guys!! Finally, everyone wave to the bestest person on the PLANET, TotallyObsessed82, who pre-read this fic, and questioned my sanity at the end...and rightly so. Thank you for putting up with me!**

**So, I hope you all enjoy this.**

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**JPOV**

Three years. Three years had passed. Three long fucking years. And it had been her all along. I'd trusted her. I'd trusted her with my life, with my sanity. She'd seen me deteriorate until now I was medically classified as "clinically depressed". I called it insanity. I'd finally gone crazy, mad, wild, senseless, mental, nuts, _psycho_; whatever you want to fucking call it. And it was all her fault. _Alice_. She'd taken my life away; she'd taken my Bella from me. And she was going to pay.

*********

I groaned loudly, heat coursing through my body. My skin burned where her fingers had brushed against it. Her lips were soft against mine, and she whimpered when my tongue ran along her bottom lip. I felt her body shudder underneath me when my hand found her breast, my fingers kneading it. Her nipple hardened under my finger tips, and I smiled at how responsive she was to my touch.

"Jasper," she moaned. "Please."

She writhed underneath me as I leaned my head forward and took her nipple in my mouth, rolling my tongue over the hardened bud. She whimpered again, and I tugged gently, making her cry out.

"Jasper!" Her hips rose to meet mine, and I let out a quick breath.

"Oh God, Bella," I whispered. I ran my fingers down her body, watching goose bumps appear where my fingers stroked. I brought my lips down and followed the same trail. I reached her stomach, and my hands caressed it, the silky skin heavenly beneath the rough skin of my palms. I kissed it softly, flicking my tongue in her belly button. She moaned and the sound echoed all the way down to my groin. I moved lower, and Bella's hips started moving sporadically. I grazed my tongue over her clit, and her hips bucked in response.

"Jasper, please....more," she whispered, her voice low.

I smiled up at her, looking through my hooded eyes to meet her gaze. Her long brown hair was flowing over the white pillow, messy from where my hands had tugged at it with a desperate need. I lowered my eyes back to the perfect sight before me. She was glistening in the light, and before I could help it, my tongue swept a line right along her lips. Bella made an unrecognizable noise, and I grinned, repeating the action. She tasted divine, and I wanted, no _needed_, more. I licked around her clit, sucking on it gently and smiling when she whimpered. My cock hardened even more as Bella continued to groan and cry out. I rocked backwards, overcome with the need to be inside her and moved back up her body, catching her mouth with mine.

"You ready?" I whispered against her skin. She nodded, so I gripped her hips, positioning myself, and slid into her quickly. We both groaned at the sensation. I gasped when she wrapped her legs around my waist and pulled me in deeper.

"Bella...." I moaned before moving out and thrusting back in. Her cries soon began to escalate, and I could feel her walls tightening around me.

"Oh Jasper," she cried, her hands gripping the sheets and pulling on them so they gathered up around her. Her mouth opened in a soundless cry of pleasure. Her whole body shuddered with her release, and seeing her in such bliss, pushed me over the edge too. My body erupted into flames when I came, and I lost all sense of control. I pushed into her hard, unable to contain myself as I rode my orgasm out.

I collapsed to her side and pulled out, wrapping my arms around her.

"Well...." she murmured, smiling against my skin. I chuckled at her response and tilted her head up. I planted a light kiss on the end of her nose, winding my hands in her hair.

"I love you, beautiful."

"I love you too, Jasper," she whispered, laying her head against my chest. "Always."

She fell asleep like that, and soon, I did too, dreaming of my plans for the next day, of the hopeful outcome it would bring, and how perfect my life would be with her in it, forever.

But I didn't know what was to come. I didn't know that this would be the last time I would hold her in my arms. I didn't know anything. Instead, I trusted. I trusted the wrong person.

*********

I stared at the bottle in my hands, and with a cry, I turned and threw it against the wall. It smashed, glass flying everywhere. Alice let out a sharp cry from her place in the corner as a slice hit her, drawing blood. I ignored her and walked through the door to the kitchen, ignoring the stabbing pain in my feet as I stepped on the glass that was sprinkled about. I grabbed another bottle, opened it and walked back through to the living room. I slumped onto my chair and stared out of the window, taking a large sip from my bottle.

"Fuck you, Alice," I hissed quietly. "This is all your fault!" I whispered, my voice cracking. I didn't even bother to look at her.

Bella was gone; she'd left me. As I stared out at the darkening sky, I realized we would have been married by now. We could have had kids, a little girl with my hair and Bella's eyes. As the rain started to fall, I heard Alice speak from her corner.

"I know."

*********

When I opened my eyes, the sunlight was streaming through an open window, making Bella's skin glow like an angel's. She was still wrapped around me, her legs interlocked with mine, and my hands tangled in her hair. I gently moved them away, trying not to wake her. I rubbed her back gently and smiled when she moved closer to me, muttering something. I pulled the sheets up when I saw her shiver but kept her back uncovered. Something about seeing my hands on her made me happy. I felt like I was complete after searching for so long, and never finding the wholeness, the love I felt for her. I felt Bella's legs tighten around me and I looked down to see her open her eyes and look up at me, her beautiful gaze swallowing me whole. She smiled and I ran my finger over her lips, causing her to blush. I let my gaze travel down further, tugging on the sheet that I'd covered her with. I chuckled as her blush deepened at my intense longing for her. I brought my lips to hers and she moaned, twisting her hands into my messy, blonde hair.

"I have work," she whispered when I moved away for a second to breathe.

"So what?" I replied. I kissed her again, this time with more urgency. She relaxed into my embrace, letting go a bit, and caving into my desire. She suddenly pushed me back and scampered away, pulling the sheets with her. I pouted in disappointment and she giggled. Not caring about my state of undress, I climbed out of the bed and caught her in my arms before she could run away.

"Not so fast, beautiful," I whispered. She squirmed as I kissed everywhere I could reach.

"Jasper!" she laughed in delight, pulling away. "Just because you work from home does not mean the rest of us have that opportunity!" Reluctantly, I let her go. She dropped the covers and walked right in front of me to the shower, her pert ass swaying as she went.

I groaned and she looked back over her shoulder, smiling teasingly at me.

"Problem?" she asked, raising her eyebrow. She looked me up and down, and when she met my eyes again, they were considerably darker.

"Care to join me?" she asked, winking seductively.

I don't think I'd ever wanted a shower more in my life.

*********

She just sat in the corner, refusing to leave but never moving. She seemed to think that her presence would help me, and normally, having someone there would help. But this was Alice. She was trying to be fucking comforting, but she could never be, not after what she had done.

"How..." I started, but I couldn't finish.

"I wanted you," she told me numbly.

Of course she fucking wanted me. She'd always wanted me, but poor, innocent Bella didn't know that her best friend was such a selfish bitch. Neither had I. So I trusted her, and she ruined my whole life. She tore my heart out of my chest, ripped it into pieces, hoping that she would be the one to piece me back together, that it would be her who fixed my broken heart. She thought she could change me, but nothing could change my love for Bella. My eyes flashed, just thinking about her, and unwanted tears filled my eyes. Every time I saw her, her image flickering in front of me, always disappearing before I could reach her, the pain multiplied. I don't know how long I could cope. I needed to see her, just for a second, so some of the pain would relieve itself from my chest.

And just like that, I soared again. I _could_ see her. Alice knew where she was. She could take me to her.

"I want you to take me to her," I announced suddenly. I turned to Alice, my eyes bright now, excited.

"Take me to her," I stated again, annunciating each word slowly and clearly. Alice looked at me, her expression fearful.

"I can't do that," she whispered.

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Well you better fucking do it." Now that the idea had crossed my mind, it had to happen. I shook slightly, my body unable to contain my excitement that I might be able to see Bella again. I looked at Alice, and she just sat on the floor, cowering away from me.

She was going to rip my heart out again. I could see it in her eyes.

"Fuck you, Alice. You will take me to her." I walked to my desk and took out a gun. I pointed it at Alice, my grip slightly unsteady, but I was determined. She couldn't stop me seeing her. I wanted to see my Bella, and I would do anything to get to her.

Alice whimpered. "But...she's in Paris." I didn't allow surprise to cross my face when I heard her words.

She still looked scared, and she hadn't moved to take me to Bella. I thought Alice might need a little persuasion. Because she would do what I wanted.

So I cocked the gun. Maybe she might get the picture now. She _would_ take me to my Bella.

*********

Bella had left for work this morning, slightly late after our rather long shower together. I felt the familiar sensation in my groin, just thinking about it. I threw on a pair of jeans and a random t-shirt before picking up my phone and wallet. I headed downstairs to my studio and sat down, staring at my half-finished canvas.

I picked up my pallet, squinting my eyes and tilting my head. Bella always said I looked cute when I painted. I smiled thinking about her watching me. I loved her watching me paint. It calmed me, gave me inspiration. She helped me so much more than she thought she did.

I don't think she'd realized that she was the subject of my newest work. It was my favorite, and was my best so far. It was all from memory, and I loved it. I set my iPod to my working playlist and began to paint.

At midday, I broke out of my trance and put everything away. I was meeting Alice for lunch. I wanted to tell her about my plans for tonight. I was finally going to propose to Bella.

Alice was already waiting when I arrived at the cafe. A waitress took our order and left.

"What's gotten you so excited?" she asked eventually after I'd been shaking my knee for over 5 minutes.

"I'm going to propose to Bella!" I exclaimed immediately. Alice had always known when someone was holding something back. Alice froze, and I frowned.

"What?" I asked sharply. "What is it?"

She shook her head slightly and then smiled.

"That's great, Jasper! It's fantastic!" Her voice sounded slightly off, but I ignored it, too consumed by finally being able to tell someone my plans. I was so happy I thought I would burst with the strength of it.

"We're meeting in the center of town. I'm going to take her out on a boat, and then I'll propose. Do you think she'll like it?" I didn't ask if she thought Bella would say yes...that felt wrong somehow. Although, I couldn't deny that the thought had crossed my mind.

"She'll love it, Jazz." I felt Alice's comforting hand over mine and I smiled at her. And because I hadn't known, I'd trusted her...and she'd taken my life. She'd taken my beautiful Bella.

That night, I was as nervous as a fucking nerd on Valentine's Day. My hands were slightly sweaty, and I groaned, wiping them along the seat of the car as I was driven along to our meeting place. I'd hired a limo. I knew Bella had always wanted to go in one, but she hated getting things or asking for something.

I was there at quarter to 7, outside of the church where I said I'd meet her. It was fairly warm outside, so I climbed out of the car and waited for her there. The street was quite quiet, and I smiled as I felt the velvet box press against my leg in my pocket.

The thought her saying no hadn't really crossed my mind, and I was stubbornly denying the fact that she _could _actually say no. I would cross that bridge if it came to it. I tapped my foot as seven o'clock drew nearer. When seven came and passed, I didn't worry; Bella was almost always late. But then it got to half past. I checked my mobile, but there were no messages. I phoned Bella, but it went straight to voicemail. I frowned and phoned Alice instead.

"Alice, do you know where Bella is?"

"Oh, is she not there? I'm not sure, Jazz, sorry. Would you like me to go round to your house and check on her?" Her voice was light, almost…_ecstatic_. I shook my head; I didn't have time to deal with her now.

"Yeah, that would be good, thanks." I hung up and tried Bella's phone again, but there was still no answer. I left a message for her, asking her to call me. I called our house, but there was no answer there either. I felt my chest tighten in panic. Bella was missing. For all I knew, she could be lying dead on a road somewhere.

My phone started ringing and I picked it up, and answered quickly, praying it was Bella.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, Jazz."

My heart sank when it was Alice's voice I heard.

"Did you find anything?"

"I think you'd better come back. None of her things are here, and there is a...letter addressed to you."

"Fuck," I whispered. "I'll be right there." I climbed back into the limo, refusing to let my embarrassment show.

"Take me home, and quickly," I told the driver. He drove off without a word and I took out my phone again, waiting for a call. _Maybe she was hurt…she might be in a hospital_, I pondered, my mind going crazy just thinking about it. _What about the letter_? I frowned, but called the local hospital anyway…just to check.

"Hello, Honeytrees Hospital, how can I help you?"

"Hi. Have you admitted a patient called Isabella Swan today? Brown hair, fairly short, slim..."

"Just let me check." The voice on the phone was far too happy to fit into a hospital. "Hi again. I'm afraid no one by that name has checked in today." I let out an audible sigh of relief.

"Okay, thanks anyway." I hung up the phone and was pleasantly surprised to find the car turning onto my street.

"Thanks," I muttered to the driver before jumping out and running inside. The red light was blinking on my answering machine and I sprinted over to it.

_Hello, Jasper, this is Charlie Swan speaking, Bella's father. I was wondering if you had any idea why she suddenly decided to fly to Paris today. _

I froze.

Suddenly, I heard a noise behind me, and Alice stood there. She held up a hand, and in it, was a letter. I took it from her, tearing it open quickly and reading it.

_Jasper, my love._

_I'm sorry. I can't say why I've left, or where I'm going, just that I'm sorry. _

_I was told something, and I can't risk seeing you. Despite what they said, I will always love you. You were, and always will be, everything to me. I love you forever._

_Goodbye, my Jasper._

_Love, Bella._

_x_

*********

My hands were shaking as I pointed to her. Tears were running down her cheeks, but I didn't care. She was going to take me to Bella. She'd sent her to fucking Paris; she would take me to fucking Paris. I _would_ get Bella back.

"I am only going to say this one more time, Alice. Take me to her, _now_!" My finger twitched on the trigger and Alice jumped.

"Okay, okay!" she whispered. I'll go get our flights sorted out." She sprinted out of the room, but I grabbed her around the waist before she left.

"No fucking way are you going alone. I'm coming with you. You're going to pay for ruining my life, Alice. You are going to pay."

For three fucking years, I had been dead. I felt like there was a part of me missing; I'd never been so hopeless. My life had been empty. I hadn't eaten, hadn't done anything. I would have stopped breathing had Alice not been there...she kept me alive...given me glasses of water, made me food, even if I had just thrown it up. I wasn't grateful for her. She was just a burden, someone who was always there, never comforting, and never helping. And it was all for her own fucking life. She'd stolen mine, so I was going to steal hers.

*********

Alice POV

He'd invited me for lunch; Jasper was taking me out. And okay, it wasn't exactly a date, but he was taking me out. Soon, he would realize what he was missing and he would want me so bad it would kill him.

But then he dropped that fucking bombshell. He was going to propose to her, to that...slut! Bella Swan was a bitch; she would have gotten nowhere without me, and now he was marrying her for God's sake! And I knew she would say yes; she was head over fucking heels. She had stolen him from me. I'd been there with him from the start, but then she came waltzing in, and he was gone.

I had to stop this. I needed Jasper, he was _mine_. He wanted me, secretly. I knew he did. And he _would_ get me; I _would_ be with him. I needed to stop this wedding; I needed to stop this proposal. He would always be mine. I would not let him go. And I especially was not letting Bella have him. If he wasn't going to be with me, then no one deserved him. I couldn't see him with anyone, I just _couldn't_.

After I left the restaurant, I went straight to Bella's work without stopping to think about what I was doing. She didn't know it, but I was going to ruin the best thing that would ever happen to her. _And give Jasper his life back_.

"Hey, could you tell Bella Swan she has a visitor?" I asked the receptionist brightly.

Lauren, I think, nodded and immediately phoned up. I walked over to the seats and began my scene. I let tears come to my eyes as I paced in front of the seats frantically.

"Alice, hey! Oh my God!" she exclaimed when she saw me. "What's wrong?"

I turned around, my fake tears now starting to fall, and saw Bella running over to me, her face worried. I just sobbed a reply and sank into a chair. Bella wrapped her arms around me and hugged me close.

"What is it, Alice? Sweetheart, what happened?" I looked up at her, and she smiled comfortingly at me. I sniffed, adding to my charade, and wiped my hands over my eyes.

"It's....it's you!" I whispered, my voice breaking on the 'you'. Bella's face paled and she frowned.

"What is it?" she asked, her voice low and clear, though I could see her trembling hands.

"I...I overheard something....you have to run, Bella! Please, promise me! You have to get away, now! Before..."

"Alice, you're not making any sense! What did you overhear, why do I have to go?" She fired more questions at me, and inside I smiled. It was like feeding candy to a baby.

"Jasper...." I said, so quietly she had to move forward to hear me. She paled even more.

"What's happened? Is he okay?"

I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"He..._he_ is, Bella. B....but you're not. I overheard him...in a cafe....he's going to kill you. Tonight. He was speaking to someone. He mentioned your name and then something about a gun and tonight. Bella, you have to run!"

I looked at her again, and she was completely frozen to the spot. Her mouth was slightly open, her face white. Her eyes were wild, and she wasn't breathing.

"W...what did you say?" she whispered, finally blinking.

"He's going to kill you. There was a man in a black suit, and he handed Jasper something...money, maybe? I don't know. But he said it had to be tonight, or else something else would happen. Please listen to me, Bella. You have to run."

She stared at me for a couple more seconds, then nodded. She stood up, suddenly business, and ran to the front desk. She'd believed me. It was too easy. It must be fate.

"A family emergency has come up," she told the receptionist. "I won't be here for a while," and then she walked out of the office. I followed, and smiled at her back. She'd fallen for it and now Jasper was mine. _Forever_. I licked my lips hungrily as I imagined him naked and worshipping my body. He'd wonder why the hell he'd ever wanted to marry Bella. I would make his dreams come true. He was going to love me. I was going to make sure of it.

*********

Now though, with a gun at my forehead, and tears down my cheeks, I couldn't believe I'd underestimated his feelings for her. I'd been there for him after she'd left. I'd tried to make my feelings known, but he'd always rebuffed me. All my work was ruined now, after I decided to tell him that I told her to go to Paris. I tried to explain that I needed him more than she did but he wouldn't believe me. All he wanted was to get her back.

I tried to ignore the cold metal of the gun against my head as I worked on getting us plane tickets. This was my fault, he was right. I'd ruined his life. Instead of helping Jasper, instead of making him happy, I'd been the one that killed him. And I hated myself for it.

But I still couldn't deny the inexcusable urge to have him for myself. I wanted him more than anything I'd ever wanted in my life. I craved him. I yearned for him to be with me, only me, for him to want only me; for him to _have_ only me. And right now, I hated that my fear of death and my fear of losing him was making me buy these tickets, was making me take him to Bella. If I was clever, I would let him shoot me, and then he'd never get to Bella. He would be stuck, alone forever. He might regret shooting me then. If I was still alive, he'd have _me_ to make his life perfect again.

But I was selfish. And I wouldn't die. I needed to stay alive, if only to be with him, to stay with him. He was mine; I would make sure of it. He would always be mine. That bitch would not get him back. I would find a way. Once we were in Paris, I would stop them from being together. They weren't meant to be. He was meant for me. ME. Alice. _Mine_, I thought angrily as I bought the plane tickets. But these were the first step towards losing him; I was bringing him closer to Bella. _But it would not happen_, I told myself. I would not let him go. Ever.

*********

Jasper POV

My hands were shaking as I pointed the gun at her head. I watched the screen as she clicked to buy two tickets to Paris on the next flight. My mind felt like it was about to explode, like it was about to burst with sheer anger and hatred for the woman at the desk. She'd taken my fucking life away.

How could she do that?

But I was going to get it back. I was going to get my Bella. I loved her, I'd always loved her, and I would always love her. I needed to see her again, even just for a second, so I could breathe again. I wanted to be free from the demons that had haunted me for the past three years, the demons that had destroyed me and made me into this madman. For I truly was mad. I should be locked up, I knew that, and Alice knew it too. But we both knew that she wouldn't do anything about it. She wanted me too fucking much. She was still egotistical, still hell bent on ruining my life.

"It's done," she whispered quietly. I pressed the gun harder against her skin.

"Get up," I ordered coldly. "Go to my room, and pack some clothes for me." I followed her upstairs, the gun still pointed at her back. I would fall apart at the seams if I didn't get out of this place quickly.

*********

I had to leave the gun. I knew I couldn't get it on the plane, and I needed to leave now.

"Alice, pull yourself together, now. If you make one noise, one cry, one _anything_, you will pay. Do not say a word unless you're spoken to. Smile as if nothing was wrong," I ground out on the way to the airport. We had stopped by Alice's apartment to get her a few clothes, and so she could fix her make-up. She nodded slowly and I went back to looking at the road. We got on the plane easily enough; security didn't take too long.

We were silent on the way to Paris. I closed my eyes and was greeted with images of Bella: Bella kissing me, Bella grinding her hips on top of me, Bella, Bella, Bella. My visions didn't do her any justice ; I knew that, even though I hadn't seen her yet. I smiled as I drifted to sleep, knowing that with every second, I was getting closer to my angel.

Alice shook me gently when we were getting ready to land. We got off the plane and collected our luggage. There was a travel lodge just down the road, so we checked in, dropped off our luggage and went straight out again. We walked quickly to the train station and I bought us tickets to downtown, towards the Rue des Roses. I needed to go somewhere before I would be able to see Bella. I had been in Paris, many years before, with the military, and someone owed me a favor. I was collecting it now. When we reached the place I wanted to go, I wrapped an arm around Alice, and pulled her off the train. Our embrace may have looked loving, but I gripped her shoulder tightly, digging my nails in.

"Where are we going?" she asked quietly.

"A guy owes me a favor," I told her simply. We walked along the Rue des Roses, and then turned onto a dark alleyway. About half way down, we turned left. I knocked on a big, brown door. It opened slightly as a dark haired man poked his head out.

"Jenks, hi. I need something." He peered out a little longer, looking me over, before opening the door wide.

"Whitlock, good to see you. Who's the chick?" he asked, a slight French accent gracing his words.

"She's no one," I muttered. I pulled Alice in after me through the door and as soon as it was shut, I turned on him.

"I need a gun, now."

He smirked at me.

"Of course, follow me." He walked quickly down a set of steps that led to a basement. He walked to a cupboard at the end of the corridor, and unlocked it. It led to more steps, and we all walked down them. He unlocked and opened the door at the bottom, gesturing with his arm to the shelves that filled the space.

"Take your pick," Jenks told me.

I examined them carefully, but quickly. I wanted to see my Bella sooner rather than later. I picked up a hand gun and nodded slightly. It felt good in my hands.

"This one." I made the deal and left quickly.

"So Alice, where do we go? Where does she live?"

"Um, we'll need to get a bus or taxi or something. She lives quite far away from here."

**********

Alice's shoulders were shaking as we walked along the street. I tightened my grip on her, and she moved to the left, so I followed.

"It's that one there," she whispered. She pointed to a fairly large, white house at the end of the street. I pushed her forward and she stumbled across the street, moving hesitantly toward the house. We walked up the path and Alice knocked on the door.

It was opened by a man. As soon as I saw him, a white-hot rage surged through me, flaring up unexpectedly and making my eyes burn.

"Who the fuck are you?" I yelled, pushing him. Why the fuck was a man in my angel's house? Why the fuck was a _good-looking_ man in her house?

I knew I was crazy, I knew I was completely fucking insane, but the rage that filled my heart when I saw him was unbelievable. I clenched my fists and pushed through the door.

"Where is she?" I growled at him. "Bella!" I yelled, walking through the house, "Bella!"

The man came after me and put an arm out to try and yank me back.

"Listen, I don't know who you are, but get out of my fucking house."

"_Your_ house? This is where Bella stays..._Bella_...not you." I called her name again, and heard footsteps on the stairs. "Bella!" I rushed up them and I finally saw her again, after three long years. Her face paled and she stumbled forwards. She fell into my arms and I wrapped them around her, pulling her to me.

"Bella!" I cried again, squeezing her tighter.

She raised her head, and blinked, amazement and confusion clear in her deep hazel eyes.

"Jasper?" she whispered. "Is it really you?" Her hands patted my cheeks and brushed over my lips, my eyes. I closed them, and inhaled, finally relaxing now that she was in my arms again. I was finally whole again.

"Yes." I opened my eyes again and saw her staring at me in wonder.

"Why are you here? How did you know where to find me?" she murmured. I nodded towards Alice. Bella grew pale when she saw Alice, and I had to support her weight again. She turned on me suddenly and broke away.

"Why are you here? What the fuck are you doing here? Stay away!" she shouted. Her eyes were filled with terror, hurt and sorrow. She backed up the steps, and I ran after her.

"Bella! I never wanted to kill you, never!" Alice had told me everything before we left for Paris, including why Bella left. I had tried not to think about it, knowing I would explode if it got too close to the front of my mind.

Bella was in a bedroom, huddled in a corner. I heard Alice and the man follow us up the stairs loudly.

"Alice made it all up. Tell her!" Alice shook her head slightly at me.

"Alice, fucking do it," I growled.

She turned to Bella, and with tears pouring, began to speak.

"I'm...so so sorry, Bella, but it's true; I lied. Jasper could never kill you. I wanted him, so I...I told you he wanted to kill you, when really....you remember that night? You were going to meet for dinner...well, he was going to...propose to you...and I couldn't have that, so I made you leave, and it killed him...it killed you...I ruined everything."

Bella stood stock-still as she tried to process the information. Her face was white, and she began to shake slightly.

"You...you were going to p...propose to me?" she stuttered. She collapsed onto the bed and stared at me in complete shock. I took a few steps forward, trying to get to her, but that man got there first.

"Get your hands off her," I stated coolly and coldly. He glared at me and continued forward. When he kissed her forehead, I lost it. After three years of being a zombie, of being the only person who knew how crazy I really was, I finally blew up. I pulled the gun out of my coat pocket and pointed it at the man, tears of rage falling from my eyes.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!" I screamed, unable to think clearly. My head was killing me, a pounding pain that made me scream in agony. I clutched my head. Alice tried to come to me, to see if I was okay, but I turned on her.

"NO! THIS IS YOUR FAULT! GET AWAY FROM ME!"I yelled.

She backed off, her terrified face still streaked with tears. This inhumane monster that had been released was going to kill me. I turned back to the bed, and the man was still next to the frozen Bella, stroking her hair.

"GET AWAY!" I raged again, "GET AWAY! See, Bella! This is what leaving did to me! You did this! You and fucking Alice! You ruined me! YOU MADE ME INSANE!" My hands were shaking as I pointed the gun at him, powerless to stop my body from shuddering. I cocked the gun and turned to the man again.

"Get away," I snarled.

The man stood up and began to walk towards me.

"Edward, don't..." Bella suddenly said, jumping up and placing an arm on his.

"So he has a name! Fuck that! Get off him!" I screamed at her.

"Jasper, please," Bella said calmly. She walked up to me and touched my arm, but I jerked away, trying to ignore the calmness that emanated from her and through my body with her touch.

"Don't touch me...I can't hurt you," I whispered. Her face creased in pain, and it was like an arrow through my chest. But this was her...she did this to me!

"Bella, you did this...you made me crazy! It's not my fault!"

The man, Edward, placed his hands on Bella's shoulders and pulled her behind him.

"Put the gun down, Jasper," he said softly, reaching up to me.

"NO!" This man had touched my Bella, had kissed her, had run his hands over her body, had been inside her. With that thought, I clenched my fists around the gun, seething with a blood-red fury. Red; red everywhere.

Red ribbons floated in front of my vision, decorating my neck and pulling tighter, tighter, tighter, cutting off my humanity, cutting off my compassion, cutting off my hope. They controlled me, pulled at my limbs like I was just a puppet on a string. The wrath for this man was becoming too hard to handle, too strong. I would passionately embrace his death with open arms. Fire and blood....a never-ending cycle that ran through my body. The only way I would ever be fully fixed, would be with bloodshed. I needed to be consumed by this fire, at the mercy of the fire, so I could kill him. If I killed him, I could get Bella. I would be able to live again, I could survive, breathe freely, knowing that Bella could be with me, and no other man would touch her again. I needed her, helplessly, hopelessly, I needed her.

Oxygen is needed to live, but I would gladly give that up for Bella. She was everything. She was my angel, the angel and demon in my dreams. She terrified me, yet brought me to life. She'd spent three years haunting me, tearing me apart, and now she was here, just out of arms reach, and I had to keep her. If I didn't, I couldn't go back. If this man wouldn't let me keep her, then there was no point to my existence. I would just die here and leave them all to blame themselves for my death. It was either him, or me. Bella couldn't belong to both of us.

For they were all at fault. Alice had caused this; she had ruined my life, she'd taken my life away. I was drifting because of her; drifting in the middle of a cold, dark place, unable to see clearly, unable to fucking do anything, all because of her. But Bella...she had believed Alice. She had been the one that left. She didn't need to trust Alice; she should have seen that my feelings were true, that I would never hurt her. I could make her happy again, if she would let me in, if that "Edward" was out of the way,

He had stolen her. That was why he had to die. It was funny; how angry, yet how calm, I was about killing him. The paradox between the two was almost unbelievable.

I'd made my decision, and it was surprisingly easy to live with. I suppose, I'd always known that someone would have to die so I could get her back. She was too perfect not to have moved on, to have found someone else, and I knew that if I was to have her back, that person would need to go. Forever. But she was meant to be with me. We were soul mates. We were both missing something without the other. We both would never be complete without the other.

My mouth moved, but I couldn't hear what I said, didn't know what I was saying. All my sanity was locked away, tied up, the red ribbons of anger acting as a barrier to my sanity. I saw Bella run forward, grasping at Edward and pulling him back, panic written all over her face. I frowned, a little bit of myself coming back when I saw her despair.

But then the monster realized she was worried about _him_. She didn't care about me; she wanted to save Edward. And so the monster grew stronger, roaring inside of my body and smashing my mind to pieces. I yelled in pain, my head thumping with agony, and my arms falling forward. Immediately, the man rushed towards me, and with my eyes glazed over with anger, I managed to point the gun up at him again and I pulled the trigger.

*********

Alice POV

I'd never seen him like this before. In the three years I'd seen him rage, I'd been the target of his fury on many occasions.

I'd seen him cry; I'd seen him completely break down in front of me, his whole body shaking in the most terrifying sobs I'd ever seen.

I'd seen him crazy; I'd seen him talk rubbish for hours at a time, talk to an invisible Bella that followed him.

I'd witnessed his dreams; the dreams when he would wake up screaming; those dreams when he would moan; small cries of 'Bella' cracking through the silence of the night. It made me cry silently in my misshapen bed on the sofa.

But this...this was new, different. This was not Jasper. He was completely incensed. He didn't know what he was doing. I could see his hands shake. He was in a frenzy. He screamed and I jumped. His hands were clutching at his head and I whimpered; I hated seeing him in so much pain. But then Edward walked forward. He was just trying to help, but Jasper got madder. He was seething, his eyes burning holes in whatever he looked at. When I caught his gaze, it was almost as if I was seeing into hell. His eyes were pitch-black, lumps of obsidian coal staring darkly and coldly at everyone.

_He didn't recognize any of us. _I knew it was true as soon as I thought it. He wouldn't be able to look at Bella like that, not knowingly. Jasper had been overtaken by some hideous, vile monster that was going to ruin my future with him. Even then, I still believed that he would choose me: that I would be with him, that I would find some way to get him.

How wrong I was. Because as Edward walked forward, Jasper raised the gun again and pulled the trigger.

I screamed as the blast filled the room. A body slumped to the floor, and I screamed again, collapsing onto to my knees.

_No! It couldn't be. No! _

Jasper crashed into a heap against the wall. There was blood all over his face, dripping onto to the floor, streaking his clothes with dark red patterns.

The gun had backfired. It was Jasper who was going to die.

I crawled on my knees to him and clutched at his chest.

"Jasper! Jasper!" I cried. I tried to move his hair back, but it was matted with dark crimson blood. His whole face was just a...a...clump of blood. He was completely broken, ruined....dead. But he was still beautiful. He would always be perfect. I felt for a pulse, and I think I got one, but it was faint, just a slight tap against my fingers.

"I think he's still alive," I whispered, my voice hoarse and cracking. Bella dropped down beside me and for the first time in three years, I got a proper look at Bella Swan. She was paler, thinner. Hollows beneath her eyes were clearly visible.

"How have you been?" I asked softly. I still hated her, but...I was feeling...sorry. For everything.

She raised her gaze to me. When she spoke her voice was so low it was almost a snarl.

"Fuck, you, Alice."

I gasped, and she narrowed her eyes.

"You did this....you ruined his life, and mine." I glanced up at Edward, and she caught my look.

"He's just a fucking friend...I never stopped loving Jasper. He was everything to me."

A quiet sob ripped from her chest, but my body grew hard and unsympathetic at her words. _She still loved him._ The little sympathy I may have had for her plight was thrown out the window. Jasper was mine, and no one but _me_ should love him. No one but me _would_ love him.

"Jasper," I heard her whisper softly. She stroked his face, ambivalent about the blood. Her hands pushed his hair out of his eyes, running her fingers through it when I couldn't. But I wouldn't give in and say that she loved him more, that she would be better for him than me. It didn't matter now. I knew, and she knew, that Jasper was going to die. Nothing mattered if he wasn't here.

"Jasper, I love you. I never stopped. I am so sorry I left, I'm sorry she did this to us...I'm so so sorry," she sobbed. "I shouldn't have believed her. But I didn't think I was good enough for you, I didn't believe that you wanted me so much, so I thought maybe she was right. Maybe you'd had enough of me. Oh God, please be okay, I'm so sorry," she whimpered. Her tears trickled down her cheeks, dripping onto Jasper's shirt. She moved towards him, and I closed my eyes, unable to see them kiss. My mind wouldn't be able to take it.

When I opened them again, her lips were still pressed against him, kissing his face. It was disgusting. I don't know how she did it. His face was just a mass of damaged flesh and blood. But she did it. And I wouldn't let myself say it was because she loved him more. She didn't.

I loved him more. I'd always wanted what was best for him... it just happened to be me.

Suddenly, a low moan broke the tension in the room. Bella gasped, and I saw her smile brightly down at Jasper.

"Oh, Jasper," she murmured, a sob breaking through her horror again, her smile fading quickly. Jasper mumbled something and tried to raise his arm. I moved back slightly, not wanting to watch the scene in front of me but unable to tear my eyes away. Eventually, Jasper managed to raise his arm, and he cupped Bella's cheek, pulling her closer and kissing her again.

"I love you, Jasper. I've always loved you," she repeated, tears flowing. He tried to smile at her, but it was a grimace, his teeth bloody and mouth wrecked.

"I...I love...y...you t...too," Jasper mumbled under his breath. "I'm...s...sorry."

"Shhh," she laughed, pressing a finger to his lips. "You don't need to apologize. I'm the one that's sorry. I never should have believed....I'm sorry." Jasper made a non-committal jolt of his head and grunted in annoyance.

"D...don't apologize," he said, his voice rasping slightly. The guttural sound that came from his throat sent shivers of fear down my spine, and I could sense Bella's distress growing.

"Please, stay strong, Jasper. Thank you for coming to find me...but now that you're here, you can't go!" Her head fell forward onto Jasper's chest, and he somehow managed to get an arm around her.

_Get off her! _I wanted to shout_. You should be saying bye to me! I'm the one that stayed! I'm the one that loved you!_

But I stayed quiet. I don't know why, but I did. Maybe some compassion for Jasper was showing through my selfishness, maybe I was finally realizing that he wanted her more. I bit my lip as I continued to look at the two of them, their roles reversed as usual, him comforting her in his greatest hour of need. Jasper had always been too nice, never thinking of himself.

He coughed loudly, and blood spurted onto Bella. She jolted up, her brown eyes wide and brimming with tears.

"Please! No! Jasper!" He smiled up at her, and I watched, transfixed as he murmured 'I love you' one last time before his eyes closed.

**********

Silence. No sound at all was made in the quiet room. No one even breathed.

"Jasper?" Bella asked, her voice hitching. "Jasper," she said more clearly. She shook him, and his body moved, his head just rolling limply to the side.

"Jasper, Jasper," she said louder, faster, her breathing far too quick. "NO!" she exclaimed all of a sudden. "No," she whispered softly once more, before her head dropped forward and landed on his chest. She wrapped an arm around him, and just sobbed.

She sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I felt a lump grow in my throat. He'd _died_...Jasper had died...I had killed him.

Bella sat up abruptly, her hands moving over his face.

"Please, wake up, please!" Her voice cracked as her entire being shattered. I could feel her body being ripped apart as she took in the fact that he was really dead.

"No!" she screamed, smashing her hands against the floor around him. "No! No! No!" A smash against the floor accompanied each 'no'.

Edward grabbed her arms and held her to his chest.

"Shhh, Bella, shhh."

She fought against his arms, tearing and scratching at his arms.

"NO!" she screamed again. She spun around again, and managed to slip out of his arms. She ran to towards me, and brought up her arm. A second later, a stinging pain shot through my cheek, and I cried out as her fingers connected with my jaw.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" she shrieked. "YOU KILLED HIM! _YOU_ KILLED HIM!" She raised her hand again, but Edward grabbed it and pulled her back to him. She pushed him away, and fell next to Jasper.

She ran her fingers gently over his lips, a crease appearing between her eyebrows.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. I love you, I love you so much, and I always will," she whispered, her hands caressing his face once more. She wrapped herself around his cold, lifeless body and shook silently. The room was quiet once more. I pressed my fingers against my cheek, and winced.

I knew she was right though. I had killed Jasper, _me_.

And I smiled. As I watched Bella wail again over his body, I could do nothing but grin. Because if he was dead, he couldn't be with Bella. I could imagine that he was with me forever. I could be with him, even if only my mind. And I wouldn't have to live seeing him weep over Bella, or see them kiss, hug, even hold hands.

Bella howled again and clutched at Jasper's shirt and I laughed. Loudly and freely. For the first time, he could be mine forever. He couldn't be with Bella. However much she tried not to see, he'd been mine, and mine only before his death. She'd left him to die, and I had spent time with him. I had the memories and she didn't.

My laughing escalated. It was finished. He would always be mine.

* * *

**PROMPT: **Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she randomly left town to go to Paris. FML

**So....yeah....Crazy, insane Jasper and Alice. I hope you ...is enjoyed the right word??? LOL! Please review with any thoughts!**


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